My Favourite Groucho Quotes – #WTFOW#5 – Day 4

• “From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.”
• “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
• “Humor is reason gone mad.”
• “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
• “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”
• “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”
• “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well I have others.”
• “One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas I’ll never know.”
• “Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.”
• “If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
• “She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.”
• “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
• “Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.”
• “I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.”
• “Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.”
• “Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.”
• “Marriage is a wonderful institution…but who wants to live in an institution?”
• “Policeman: “A hermit eh? Then why’s your table set for four?” Groucho: “That’s nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight.”
• “We’ll meet at the theatre, tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.”
• “A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”
• “There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says “yes” you know he is a crook.”
• “I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8:30 to educate America. They couldn’t educate America if they started at 6:30.”
• “Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.”
• “No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.”
• “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”
• “Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.”
• “You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.”
• “Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.”
• “I have had a wonderful time but this wasn’t it.”
• “Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”
• “I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I’ll dance with the cows and you come home.”
• “Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.”
• “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”

(I hope you too had a good laugh reading these. Do you have some of your favourite witty quotes to share? )