In the month of May, when I was trapped in a relentless cycle of mental agony and pain, with each day feeling heavier than the last, simple tasks had become insurmountable challenges, and moments of peace felt like distant memories. The weight of my thoughts and emotions pressed on my mental health, leaving me torn from within and quite seriously overwhelmed. I was longing for a break from everything. A feverish feeling had gripped me those days—all I wanted was to get away from the predictability of life and try something completely different. Something that would shift me mentally, physically and most of all, emotionally.
It was during one such day, in mid-May that I decided to sign up for a women-only retreat to a place located on the outskirts of the city.
For someone who always found dancing extremely challenging (yes, two left feet—that’s me!), the thought of spending two whole days, dancing with a bunch of strangers was not only daunting but also a crazy idea. I questioned my choice through the whole day, wondering if I had done the stupidest thing in the world. But, as it happened, it was one tiny voice in me that drowned every other voice down and questioned me back—
What is more stupid of the two—being stuck? Or being brave?
I dived in, full steam, eager to quell all doubts and hesitations and ready to shift from trepidation to experimentation…from anxiety to actually breaking free.
What would I fear losing before a bunch of strangers, who were clearly not going to be a part of my life ever again?
I loved the chance to get into an immersive experience that could potentially pull me away from the abyss of negativity that life had come to be.
Should I let go of such a possibility?
Noooooooooooo!
Yes. The journey of a thousand miles began with than one single step I took that day. To honour the commitment I made to myself. Unbeknownst to me, I had made room (enough) to welcome healing of another kind, into my life.
May 24, 2024. I am travelling with a woman I’ve never met before, to a destination I’ve never been to, for a retreat that I have no idea about. In fact, I’ve no idea what sort of “dancing” is going to happen. It felt funny but equally exciting. The best part of the whole experience to me was that I had absolutely no clue as to what to expect. Be it the people I was going to meet. Or the experience, overall.
Here I was, on the road, listening to a stranger, narrating the story of her life, episode by episode, sharing every detail of her life that I needn’t really know! I was being a good listener, briefly nodding every now and then, acknowledging her, and often when I felt like, tuning out the noise and the words and enjoying the ride to nowhere!
An hour and a half later, we reached the venue, unloaded our bags from the cab and walked into the reception area for the registration formalities.
From a distance, I could see a bunch of women animatedly discussing something, while the others were posing for photos. One of them came up to me and smiled.
*******
To know what happened next, you’ll have to read my next post. 🙂
You just don’t feel alone when you see youself in other’s writings. Eagerly waiting for the next post!
Movement is good for us – body, mind & soul.
Hey Esha so happy that you took that first step . Papa always said that everything we want in life … is on the other side of Fear .
I know it’s not easy to step out of one’s comfort zone however difficult the situation may be but I’m so proud you did . Life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning how to dance in the rain!!