There are those days when the horrors of the pandemic keep replaying in her mind through the entire day, so much so, that by the time she is done with her day, she feels like a carcass, dragging herself to her own grave.
That’s how life has come to be these days. Long, uncertain, unbearably disturbing and fearful.
Her own weight seems too much to bear. The past plays itself out at times and those mundane everyday moments of happier times feel alien. As if it never really belonged to her. Or perhaps, they are vignettes from another lifetime.
How she struggles to pull herself out of bed every morning! It requires a herculean effort to put the kettle on and make herself a cup of tea that is meant to be savoured, sip by sip, while she sits by her potted blooms by the window.
The sun filters through and fills the room with a warm glow. For a moment, she forgets her fears and loses herself in the warmth of the morning light. The mind has been playing havoc ever since the past month when things started to get crazy and the second wave has been causing havoc like never before.
Then, the news of losing so many people she knew. Their smiling faces and their voices often coming to haunt her. Her anxieties have been shooting up and she can see that her medications aren’t helping her anymore. Thankfully, a friend got her back into therapy this week, which has come to be a big relief. It’s better when she’s on a call talking to the people that she knows genuinely cares for her. She lets her heart out. They laugh and share jokes and sometimes, they get wistful and shed a few tears as well. Life has come to that, now.
Today, after weeks of feeling despondent, she longs to break free of her confinement and step out into the park—to feel the grass beneath her feet and smell the flowers and watch the towering Cassia tree swaying to the breeze, with a lush carpet of pink underneath it.
Someday, perhaps—her heart tells her.
Beyond a tediously long and indefinite wait, though.
Written as part of our #SoulfulSunday freewriting exercise—a concept ideated by Vinitha, Shilpa and yours truly.