The Road I See

My father used to say that the path to self-discovery is an elusive one.

In fact, having lived within a safe cocoon for seventeen years, self-discovery has never really figured in my life thus far. Happy in myself, surrounded by good friends, the going has been smooth for me, up until the point when my best friend gifted me a book on the Buddha, last month. 

I’m a hopeless romantic and light romances are my thing. It has always been like that. Not one to give in to serious reading, I admit I was a bit hesitant to pick it up at first. But, my best friend swore by it and I didn’t have the heart to disappoint her, so I decided to check it out.

Now, I have to say that the book is certainly an interesting read. I mean, the first few chapters set the tone beautifully for me. I am now eagerly looking forward to it, every morning. Time flows by and I have to almost tear myself away when my reading hour gets over.

But there has been one problem so far—the book has made me rethink my life in a way that I’ve never done before. There are questions that keep troubling me far into the night. Thinking about this good-looking boy from 12th grade doesn’t excite me anymore, because suddenly, out of the blue, existential questions have started popping up in my head.

Truth be told—the concept of suffering has been making me suffer insufferably!

Even my curly hair woes seem like a thing of the past, which I’m glad about. But, I wonder how long will this phase of questioning last?

I mean, I can only vaguely see an uneven path ahead of me now. It looks slightly different from the one that I’ve been used to seeing, up until now. My friend says this one book will change my entire life. I’m finding this challenge a bit daunting but exciting too, in certain ways.

Last night, I dreamt that Dad was pointing me to a road in the middle of a dark forest—that was emerging into a stream of light. When I woke up, I kept asking myself— what is it that he wants me to go for? Is there a connection between my dream and the book that I’m reading? Does all this lead to the elusive path that Dad used to talk about?

I don’t know. I do not have the answers. All I can say is that the vibrant image of the road stays with me now, each time I close my eyes, I see Dad pointing to the road ahead. All I know is my world is no longer cocooned with the petty concerns of life as it used to be. In fact, I’m questioning many things that I’ve happily been taking for granted all these years. 

It’s true, I’m no longer the same person I used to be even a month ago. And I must say, I’m beginning to like this change.