Fear, sadness and pain come by turns, knocking on my door, each morning.
Somedays, I let them in, and allow them space to reign within my head. At other times, I shoo them away even before I realise it myself. We all must agree, that in these trying times, not all days are the same. Neither are we always in control of our thoughts, emotions and feelings. One needs focus and attention to get on with the many wonderful things that one sets out to do on a given day.
Whatever one says, the pandemic has made us realign ourselves with our goals and priorities, in spite of the many challenges that have got in the way. It’s true we are drowning in overwhelm somedays but it is equally true that there are days when we are able to find ourselves in meaningful pursuits that make us grateful for whatever we have. Each one of us can count on our fingers the few things that give us the purpose and the push to keep going, never mind even if it is one day at a time.
Last week, we lost a dear relative to Covid. It was a complete shock to know that a person so full of life and positivity should have to leave the world so soon, leaving so many of her loved ones devastated. Yesterday was her birthday, exactly, a week after she left us all. How does one ever prepare for losing one’s loved ones? How do you harden yourself, when you feel you are vulnerable and soft, while everything around you is crumbling to pieces? I have no answer. All I know is we must go on. Life must go on. Every day I think of her, and I remember her warmth, her beautiful smile and her zest for good food and life, with which she lived.
It seems a sense of loss overrules every other feeling for me today. And then, I tell myself, for the umpteenth time—
People go. Memories remain.
Uncertainty continues to rule our lives. Like a see-saw ride, we go up and fall down, whilst clinging on, to things that we are attached, never really sure, when the ride will be our last.
This, I suppose, is how life will go on, for a while now. One ride at a time.
Sharing, below, a poem for our uncertain times.