Hello May!

April was a cruel month, in many ways!

It arrived, rather unassumingly, while I was busy making lots of lovely plans for myself, while the boys, i.e., the husband and the son, left for the Andamans for a 9-day break. Last month. this time, I was recovering from a nasty bout of migraine that had landed me in hospital in the last week of March. There were plans galore to create art, so my sketch books were pulled out and kept ready, while the reading list waited by the desk, beside the journal, beckoning me to write my heart away.

What I didn’t know then, was that the Universe had other plans!

One fine morning, as I was about to get started on writing a reflective piece that I’d been pondering upon for some time, I spotted a roach which sent me into a tizzy. In the days to follow, I single-handedly set upon a massive decluttering drive in our home, especially as the boys were away and making the best use of this golden opportunity to throw away the junk that the husband and the son had amassed in the last few years, since we had moved into our new home three years ago. After a week of back-breaking work, finally, every nook, corner and cranny in the home was spanking clean and I was left with a grin wider than that of the cheshire cat!

I was eager to get back to my reading list by now, finishing two books in three days. Somehow, the sketches never got done. The art books waited patiently, and my laptop sat silently, waiting for me to tap away the words that somehow eluded me.

The boys arrived from their holiday one Saturday, in the second week of April and two days later, at the dead of night, a messenger arrived at our door at 3:30 in the night, bringing the news of my father-in-law’s sudden passing. This happened, while we were yet to process the shocking news of my maternal uncle being diagnosed with high-grade cancer (himself a doctor!) that had just come a few days earlier.

Death and bereavement brought with it a whole host of related issues that we had to navigate, alongside shuttling between Bangalore and Ahmedabad. Whilst dealing with the absolute necessities, one morning, my mom-in-law had to be suddenly rushed to the ICU for what seemed like a heart attack, but thankfully, turned out to be otherwise. Meanwhile, my mom, who lives with me here in Bangalore, and who suffers from Vertigo, accidentally had a fall. The month ended with two weeks of intense mental and emotional pressure for all of us, leaving us utterly exhausted, as we paused to catch our breath after what felt like a terrible roller-coaster ride!!!

I hope and pray that the month of May brings relief and positive energy back into our lives. The son is gearing up for his exams as he battles acute anxiety, and I’m slowly easing back into my regular routine, trying to bring back a semblance of normalcy for everyone at home. There are two octogenarians at home now—the two mothers, who are both frail and need constant support and care in different ways, especially, emotionally and physically. The husband and I are doing our best, taking care of everything, while I continue to remind him everyday, that we must never forget to fill our own cups before we fill that of the others.

May is my birthday month and May is and will always continue to remain special for me. I look forward to the coming days, with a lot of hope and eagerness, to fulfil the promises I made for myself in April, even as I juggle a host of responsibilities. Self-care will always be sacrosanct for me and so will my writing and my quiet time be—and despite the challenges that continue to come my way, I shall look forward to living my days as mindfully as possible, savouring every moment and this life, as best as I can.

What are your plans for May? Do share them and if you are visiting me today, also please leave your post link in the comments, so I can visit you back. I promise to catch up on reading each one of you in the coming days.

Wishing you a beautiful week ahead.

Much love, hugs and happy vibes,

Esha

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Written as part of our #SoulfulSunday free writing exercise, along with my friend Vinitha and Shilpa.

9 thoughts

  1. Hugs, Esha. I can only imagine how difficult the month of April was for you! I am praying for a positivity-filled month ahead for you and your family.
    Taking care of two mothers is not an easy task. But remember to take care of yourself first, Esha. I know you will be too busy with everything, but please make sure you are making yourselves a priority as well. It’s okay to slow down. In fact, you must slow down. It will help you.
    May your mind be filled with peaceful and positive thoughts making your birthday month a wonderful one. <3

  2. Hugs! April was cruel indeed. So sorry about your father in law. April was bad for me too. I lost my Muffin, my best friend, and as my daughters called her, my most loved child. I am trying to cope. I am looking forward to my Summer Camp in May. My students never fail to bring joy to my day. I understand the huge responsibilty you have of taking care of the mothers. I have to take care of just one, and it’s often a uphill task. Once again hugs to all of you at your home. May the month of May bring showers of blessings!

  3. I feel sad about how April was for you. I wasn’t aware about Aunty’s accidental fall. I hope she is okay now. Just my thought about the cockroach incident – What if you had only chosen to kill that cockroach that day and kept the spray handy to make good use of it in case another one appeared? What if you had chosen to not begin the decluttering which culminated into a week-long back breaking work? What if you had chosen to have a good time while devoting yourself to writing, sketching, painting and sipping your teas to the magnificent lake views? Of course you have a much cleaner and decluttered home now.
    I wish you have an easy May where you are able to cut off your individual energy from that of the collective every day and gain a boost up.
    My life is becoming easier and more magical than I can ever imagine it to be. This is a positive affirmation I would like to share with you although I know you are more wiser than I am.

    1. Thank you for the beautiful affirmation, Anamika and for the kind words. Mum is better but the fall reminded me of what could have gone wrong if I weren’t around that morning.

      I completely agree with you about all those lovely things that should have been prioritised instead of getting on a spring cleaning spree!! I often thought of that too, even while I was at it. Yes, you’re right, maybe I should have done just that. On hindsight, so many things would be different for us, wouldn’t it? Kya kahun…meri mat maari gayi thi!!! 😀

      Going with what you said, I am trying to cut myself off from the field of negative energy whenever I’m encountering it.. It is proving to be extremely beneficial to remove myself from the source of such negative forces. Last couple of days have proven that. I’m doing affirmation and visualisation every morning for the past two weeks and will definitely include your affirmation in that list. I count on my friends for teaching me so many new things every day. And, you are very wise, my dear Anamika. Never ever doubt it. Ever so willing to learn from you to help myself live more meaningfully.

      Love n hugs and a BIG thank you for sharing such a thoughtful comment on the blog this week. Really means so much to me.
      ❤️🥰❤️🥰

  4. Awww Esha first hugs ! I am sorry so much happened in April . It’s been a rough month indeed ! Sorry to hear about your father in law ! Our heartfelt condolences ! Gosh it’s hard to cope with the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss !

    Just glad that you as a family have tried your best to navigate thru it all . You have built enough resilience now so when the challenges come, please remember that anchored deep within you is the ability to learn and grow. In this process you will discover the very best version of yourself !

    May is time to look ahead with abiding confidence, great expectations and enduring cheer to a wonderful times ahead. I hope this month and the rest of the year will bring wondrous gifts of good health and happiness to all. The world I am sure will be a better place to live in.

    Take care my dear . You and your family will always be in my thoughts and prayers ❤️🥰🤗🤗

    1. Thank you so much, dear Aru’di! Your kind words mean a lot to me. Looking forward to the days ahead with a prayer and hope that things will improve. We have to go with that sense of hope in these despairing times, don’t we? The world is burning, so praying that everywhere things get better and humanity is able to thrive despite the threats and atrocities that continue to loom large.
      Hope you are doing good, Aru’di. So lovely, as always, to hear from you again.
      Thank you so much for keeping us in your thoughts.
      Love n hugs
      ❤️🥰❤️🥰

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