Finding the Glimmers | #Reflections

Image by Tony Sebastian

You go on by doing the best you can. You go on by being generous. You go on by being true. You go on by allowing the unbearable days to pass and by allowing the pleasure in other days. You go on by finding a channel for your love and another for your rage.

—Cheryl Strayed

Life has a way of gathering speed when you least expect it. Some days, it feels as though I’m strapped into a roller coaster, I never consciously chose to board. I’m holding on, catching my breath, between the steep climbs and sudden drops, hoping that the next bend will be gentler than the last.

The days feel tough. Of course, I know nothing lasts forever. The good and the bad days alike. But, one has to live through the hard days. When everything feels challenging. There are battles that rage on. Questions that have no answers. Duty calls. Responsibility stands akimbo at the door. You carry on. You do your best. The weight shifts now and then, but doesn’t go away. You feel weighed down, most days, carrying a burden that should never have been yours, in the first place.

The roller coaster comes every morning, pushing, pulling, thrusting you ahead, in the face of work, chores and commitments. You run, as best as you can, until you know you need a pit stop and then you halt. This repeats itself. Days run into weeks and months.

And yet, even in the middle of this rushing and running and stopping, tiny glimmers keep finding you.

One thing about glimmers is this: they arrive quietly for me.

In the morning walk, that untangles my thoughts. In the meditation, that brings me tranquility amidst the chaos. In the workout, that reminds me that my body is stronger than my mind sometimes believes. In the deliberate pause, between one task and the next, in that moment when I remember to breathe deeply and let go, before life sweeps me away again.

Nature, as always, remains my most faithful companion. A tree swaying in the wind, a beautiful branch of Bougainvillea dancing in the breeze, with the persistent drizzle of the rain tapping softly against the window, or a kite sweeping past our seventh floor balcony from somewhere unseen. Did I mention the changing colours of the evening sky? How they ask nothing of me except that I pause my work and notice them?

Surprisingly, sometimes, even that feels enough. I feel grateful that at least, I have these moments to feel alive and joyful.

In the past few weeks, I haven’t had the luxury of sinking into my pile of books, the way I’d have loved to. Instead, I now read in stolen moments: a chapter here, a few pages there; on the road to the grocers, a paragraph, while waiting for the kettle to boil or the tea to steep; before the cooker whistles and the rice is cooked. Also, most days, in between meetings and short breaks, in the evenings, while sipping my tea and even though I know it’s not the ideal way to read, but perhaps, this too is a season of learning, that even small doses can actually nourish the soul. And that is okay too. At the very least, like a stubborn reader, I know I’m not the one to give up what I love dearly.

At work, things are moving at a breakneck pace. As our annual event draws nearer and work gets busier, my little window for catching up with friends is also gone. I miss the leisurely chats or the unhurried walks in the garden with fellow residents, who fill me in with the latest news doing the rounds in the hood. 

What I miss very dearly these days, however, is writing. I also miss the spontaneity of picking up a pencil and drawing or sketching, simply because I feel like it. These are the quiet absences that I carry with me, trusting they will one day become a part of my daily routine, once again.

There are days when life moves so fast that I realise I’ve been looking ahead without noticing the scenery passing by. The very thought of it saddens me. 

Having said that, it also reminds me that no matter how busy my day gets and how demanding my life becomes, I need to slow down whenever I can, even if only for a few moments, sporadically scattered here and there. 

That’s the tempo right now. 

“Accept it”, I tell myself. “Do not fight what is beyond your control”. 

For now, acceptance feels less like giving up and more like making peace with the season I’m in. I may not control the pace of life, but I can choose to meet it with gentleness and a deep sense of gratitude for these little glimmers. Sneaking in silently, is that quiet hope that brighter, slower days are waiting just around the bend.

So, dear reader, I know its been a while since we’ve connected here, on the blog…but tell me, how has life been for you, lately? Have you paused to breathe and live in the not-so-easy moments? What’s your hack for dealing with the tough days? I’d love to hear from you, if you care to share about it in the comments below?