Lately, I’ve been finding myself having to deal with a toxic person that has been taking its toll on my mind. The teen passed his tenth board exams with flying colours and the family was in a joyous mood to celebrate his success, which we did, last weekend.
However, in the presence of a particular person who has now come to live with us, it has become very difficult to restore the everyday rhythm of our lives, leaving us dispirited and exhausted. Our quiet mornings have been disrupted and our reading nooks have been invaded by endless meaningless chatter! Nothing feels the same anymore.
During this time, I’ve also been experiencing a lot of negative energy in our home that has been affecting my system from the core. I can’t find the root cause and eliminate it despite my repeated attempts to do so. Feeling increasingly helpless, I’m now struggling with a couple of health issues too and this has totally upset my inner equilibrium.
I am tired, anxious, irritable and wish to go into my shell, every time I see this person.
My workouts aren’t regular and I’m struggling with my daily meditations too. But more than that, the situation has been weighing on my mind, because I know I need to find a better way to deal with it, such that I feel protected from being influenced by their toxicity. And it’s not just me alone. I can see the effect it’s been causing on the other members of the family too.
As the first step, I’ve decided to detach myself from the person concerned and have now limited the time I spend with them to the bare minimum. For years, I was the person who could never bring herself to do this, but today, I have no qualms cutting myself off from negative people when the first distress signals are sounded by my mind and body.
As I do so, I’m utterly grateful to the Universe for helping me find the support and resources to protect myself.
We should never ever have to put up with people who suck out every ounce of positive energy from within us. It’s taken me years to realise this but now, I know if I need to protect myself, I must learn to be selfish—self-care must never be dispensable.
In all of this, I remind myself once more, why it is important to establish and maintain boundaries so that we don’t get pushed into situations we don’t wish to be a part of.
While I know that I’ll still go all out to take care of my loved ones, I also make sure that I always give my own well-being the topmost priority every single day of the week.
“I lied and said I was busy.
I was busy;
but not in a way most people understand.
I was busy taking deeper breaths.
I was busy silencing irrational thoughts.
I was busy calming a racing heart.
I was busy telling myself I am okay.
Sometimes, this is my busy –
and I will not apologize for it.”
― Brittin Oakman
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Written as part of our #SoulfulSunday freewriting exercise—along with Vinitha, Shilpa and Anamika.
What a wise decision! Complaining about an adverse situation won’t help the situation. Instead focussing on what can be done to help the matter less icky will work better. And that’s exactly what you are doing. I wish you peace and happiness, Esha. 💗
It can be difficult when the toxic people are in the family itself. Hugs and strength to you to deal with it.
Thanks so much, Sunita. <3
I love the lines you shared by Brittin Oakman. I hope you’re able to find the peace that you need. Having to deal with toxic people, especially if it’s on a longer term basis, is not easy. I hope you’re able to find a solution <3
Thanks so much, Shinjini. Yes, I am working towards a long-term solution, currently. But, it will take a while for that to materialise.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, Esha. Glad that you have distanced yourself from this person. If possible, it’s okay to get them out of your home too. In the last few years, I’ve had to make very difficult choices of severing ties with family who brought drama, competition and energy draining stuff into our lives. I couldn’t take it, and what’s more, I decided that my husband didn’t have to put up with these people for my sake!
I recall that you too went through something similar in the past and I totally agree about why it is so necessary to make those difficult choices. I’m currently working towards finding a long-term solution as things are getting way too difficult to handle.
I can relate with what you tell Esha and so often, am surrounded with people bring toxicity in conversation. It makes me angry and turn out to be a wreck. It can really affect our mental sanity. I would say try not to feed them and you absolutely right, self care matters a lot and being busy means taking deeper breaths. I try to disconnect.
I hear you, Vishal. It definitely does affect us way more than we realise at the time. The long term effects of putting up with toxic relationships are nothing short of disastrous. Self care is definitely my priority and I’ll not rest until I find a lasting solution to this.
Thanks for the support, Vishal.
I hear you, my dear Esha! And, I pray that you get the peace you seek. You have made the best decision…shut out the person and the negativity they bring with them. Although, it can get difficult doing so, living as you are under the same roof, But your health and peace of mind is of utmost importance and you should do anything and everything to make sure you stay healthy.
Hugs, my dear. <3
Thanks for the kind words, dear Shilpa. I’m so glad I chose self-care for myself this year and although the situation is very tough, I know I’ll not rest until I find my peace of mind very soon.
Thanks so much for all your love and support, my dear.