Friday Fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fields to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here. Here’s my take on the prompt (See pic below). Image: J Hardy Carroll
THE CALLER
The man dropped his bag near the phone booth, on the busy subway. Nervously, he turned around, looking for someone.
Walking up to the caller machine, he put in a coin and waited with bated breath.
“Hello!” said he, “I’ve got the money.”
The voice at the other end said, “I can see them waiting…so, why did you get the police, huh?”
The man clutched onto the bag with the money but the sound of a gun shot startled him. As the bullet hit his chest, he fell, face down, and then collapsed.
The bag remained. A shadow walked away, vanishing into the twilight.
I hope the kidnapped got rescued. Nice one !
One can only hope! Thank you for stopping by the blog. 🙂
Oh, I wish the bullet would have missed him but then it wouldn’t have been such a short and crisp thriller then… 🙂
Thank you Nabanita. So glad you found it so! 🙂
You painted the scene well. My only question, if he could see the cops, how was he able to slip away into the twilight?
Thank you. 🙂 To answer your question—he had obviously seen the cops while entering the subway as he was following the man (the victim) who carried the money. Once he was done, he found his way out through the other end of the subway. I hope this explains. 🙂
It works for me.
😊
That was quite a scary one. The poor guy had to pay with his life. . This Friday fictioneers seems to be an interesting one. When is the prompt published?
Thanks, Akshata. Glad you liked…This was my first with the FF! Not sure when they publish…perhaps the middle of the week, I guess!
The bag too would be gone in a while I guess, that is, if there was money in it.
Well done Esha 🙂
Thanks a lot, Bhavya. 🙂
oh no!! hope he is caught someday. Well written. 🙂
Hopefully, yes. Thanks a lot, Raj 🙂
Wow, no room for error there. Great story.
Thank you very much, granonine! Much appreciate your thoughts on this.
That was sad. He had to pay the price with his life. Good one, Esha. You were successful in creating a suspense. 😀
Hey, by the way, I have written five sentence fiction this week after so long. Do check it out and join if you would like.
Thanks Vinitha. Glad to hear from you after a long time. 🙂
Oh, good to know the five-sentence fiction is back. Will surely check it out and try and see if I can come up with something! Thanks for the reminder, btw. 🙂
ohh those ransom calls. But the man paid with his life.Welcome to FF. A wonderful story told.
http://ideasolsi65.blogspot.in/2017/07/the-sunday-call.html
Thank you, Kalpana. Will hop onto yours rightaway. 🙂
Great suspense, clumsy police and poor MC. 🙂
Thank you for stopping by the blog and sharing your thoughts.
Great story , Esha!
Thank you very much Moon! 🙂
Terse and well told. Usually it’s the kidnapped who gets offed, but there must be something else going on here.
Welcome to the group.
Thank you very much Christine! It’s my first at FF and am happy to link up with so many amazing folks! Great fun 🙂
Welcome to Friday Fictioners, feeling great to see you here…and what a lovely story to begin with…looking forward to more stories.
Thanks Tina. Trying my hand at fiction. I’ve done 100 word stories before so thought this would be fair ground to test it out. 🙂
Looking forward to more
Looks like he botched, big time. And the killer actually wasn’t behind the money, right? He just wanted an excuse to kill. Well written, Esha
You’re right, Varad. There is something intriguing going on here. Thanks for the appreciation btw. 🙂
Wow, those guys didn’t waste any time, did they? Very taught and concise writing, Esha. Very good.
Welcome! Enjoy the challenge of 100-word stories. Your writing will get even better. I have seen it for myself, the improvement in my writing.
Thank you very much! Fiction is new to me but I’m loving this. Yes, hopefully as you say, the stories will get polished over time with plenty of practice! That’s what I’m in for, mainly. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your encouraging words. Means a lot to me. 🙂
Welcome to Friday Fictioneers
Thank you Neil. 🙂
What about the money ?Who picks it up ?LI ked the suspense
Obviously the shadow knew he was being watched so we don’t think he took the money. But the man paid the price with his life!
i didn’t see that coming. well done.
Hmm. Yes, such things often come without warnings, don’t they?! Thanks for stopping by plaridel!
A mini thriller 🙂 Wow.
Thanks Ramya. 🙂
A ransom that went badly? Certainly a mystery.
Yes, looks like that! He should have been more careful.
Dear Esha,
A rather gruesome ending. Welcome to Friday Fictioneers.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you Rochelle! Glad to join in with so many wonderful stories from everyone. 🙂
Hmmm. That seemed right out of an episode of CSI.
No one expects a killer shot at that moment in time maybe. Sad he couldn’t survive.
Yes, sad I agree! He had betrayed and thus had to pay with his life. 🙁