Some days are tough. And some days are tougher than tough. Today is one such day. Struggled with Yoga this morning. Couldn’t focus on my writing. Gave up on my morning tea to cheer me up. Almost gave up on my ability to lift myself out of negativity. I say ‘almost’ because my instincts kicked in and goaded me to talk about it. Share it here with you all in the hope that I feel less bottled up inside.
Had I a choice, I’d go on top of a hill and cry my heart out. Maybe, yell, scream and rant about things…and tell you why today I can’t be calm, as I always do.
My angst inside is killing me. And yet, I know I must go on. Do my duty. Get up, get dressed and show up for work, because I cannot run away from my responsibilities. I know I never will. Today is a difficult day for me but I must go on because beyond this ‘tougher-than-tough’ day, I believe there lies hope. Something will make me hopeful. tomorrow, I know. Things dear to me… things that I gave my life to… will not just crumble and break away before me just like that. I HAVE to be hopeful. And, I must go on.
Everybody says I’m strong. In fact, I grew up hearing this from everyone ever since I was a child. I had no choice but to be strong because that was the only thing that has kept me going all my life. It has given me the means to stand up and fight my destiny and never give up when the battles raged.
But, when you do that for years on end, something happens…you realise your cracks are now beginning to weaken, and you’re at the verge of disintegrating. It’s scary! Fresh blows are tough to endure!!
On days, like today, I just wish to be a little less than what I’m meant to be! Today, I just wish to be me— yes, me—broken, brittle, hurt, damaged, lost, failed and hopeless.
Tomorrow will be another day!
Do you have days like mine is, today? How do you cope with them? How does one go on when nothing seems to work?
Linking up with Corinne of EverydayGyaan for #MondayMusings