Pitch dark outside and very quiet. The only sound being the gently ticking clock by my bedside table. I must have been awake since long. When I checked the time it was almost 4 am. I was waiting for daylight to break. There was still time for the first rays of the sun to filter in through the windows. I did my morning stretches and headed to the kitchen to get my cup of tea.
As I prepared to set off for my morning walk, I felt a rising sense of pressure within me. Feeling overwhelmed, almost like a gigantic wave was hitting me and I was going to be swept away. The feeling of not being in control was unsettling.
However much I tried, I could not meditate today because I think I wasn’t able to concentrate. So, I let go. The sun never showed up. There were incessant drizzles and an overbearing sense of greyness that made me feel like I was mourning something.
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I know I must be careful today. I know I’ll be plagued with self-doubts today if anything goes wrong and almost certainly, will be harsh on myself and sink into a depressive state. But, being aware helps. My awareness of where my thoughts are leading me makes me careful and take note of that moment from where things might spiral for the worse.
I don’t wish to, but I’m losing my grip. I do not wish to, but, I’m finding myself giving in. I know it is ‘normal’ to experience some degree of anxiety when stressors are unfamiliar, unpredictable, or imminent.
I have no clue how to resolve my situation but I know I’m not going to let negative thinking get me down. I need some time for deep breathing and actually do something about it.
But, first, I must find a way to deal with the stressors that triggered all this in the first place.
When things are not in your control and you find yourself drowning in it, how do you deal with it?
(Linking this with #microblogmondays and #mondaymusings.)
I loved your realistic approach, how aware you are about your feelings and know how to handle them. Things happen, let it be. When situations are beyond me, I just sit back and wait for it pass. I hope you are feeling a lot better 🙂 And if again you are feeling down, we can chat … just like that 😀
Raj, it has taken me some time and plenty of hard knocks to reach here where I can say I can almost see how I’m going to feel through the day! Thing is once you know it helps one to face the day and work towards an easier approach to counter all those odds! I agree with you, sometimes its good to just let go of things and let them pass. Thanks so much for your concern, but I already feel better having shared my thoughts with you all here on the blog! On those days, being connected really helps!
Sending peace of heart. Yes, I am the same way. I like things neat, and when things feel messy in my life, I can’t breathe. I can’t focus.
Thank you so much, Mel! You’ve got me so accurate there!
Deal with one thing at a time. It’s all about the messages we give ourselves all day long that make our anxiety take over. If you can’t sleep and keep telling yourself: “I’m nervous.” “I’m anxious.” “Oh no, I’ll be exhausted tomorrow.” “What if I’m up for days?” You just feed the frenzy. As opposed to: “It’s fine. If I don’t sleep tonight, maybe I can take a nap during the day. I’ve gotten through a day on little sleep before. I’ll sleep when my body’s ready.” None of this happens to us.We all do it to ourselves.
Yes, one thing a time definitely helps to cope with uncertainties. I actually don’t stress out as much but the migraine thingy that comes a day later really knocks me out. A lot of positive self-talk does work wonders I know. And, yes, I definitely catch up on the lost sleep the next afternoon but feel groggy through the day anyway. Thanks for stopping by and thanks so much for the support. Means much to me:)
Esha, we are humans and sometimes we do feel knocked down with life. I’d like to believe it’s a lull when anxiety grips us. It’s alright to feel like that, owing to circumstances before you jump back.
Stay strong and best wishes.
Thanks, Vishal. You’re probably right. As part of a cycle in which the ups and the downs follow one another. I’m so glad I didn’t have the same feeling/thoughts driving me today. Thanks again and wish you everything positive as well. 🙂
This is such a difficult place to be (I say as a frequent visitor to Depressionville). For me, communicating with those close to me (and even via blog posts, as you have done), helps me feel connected and lessen that “sinking to the bottom without a life jacket on” despair. Focusing on things you can control helps too (“I can’t control being fired, but I can make a list of jobs to apply for”). Breaking things down into smaller parts helps as well – work on packing one room (or even one drawer or shelf) instead of thinking about how much needs to be done before you move (I’m just using home and job as examples, since they are often the cause of such turmoil). Keeping you in my thoughts, and I hope things resolve for you soon.
Thanks a lot, Traci! I feel much better today and your comments make me feel connected and that helps hugely, trust me! I do try out mindfulness and meditation often but yesterday, nothing seemed to work for me. Will try your methods and thanks again for your reassuring words. Meant much to me 🙂
I too have such days, Esha. Grey, cloudy, gloomy and stressful. At times, we indulge in a bit too much of negative thinking, and that is the reason things spiral out of control. I am pathetic at handling such moods, but of late, I have begun practicing mindfulness. I do meditate before I begin my yoga exercises, but there are times I simply can not concentrate. That’s when the mindfulness comes handy. Even if I am preparing chapatis, I concentrate only on the chapatis, and nothing else. And, when I do this, it feels as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and my mind feels light! It is tough sticking to this approach, but it helps, for sure. A little bit of practice will help. I am going to try it as much as I can. 🙂
Thanks Shilpa. Its good to know the things you try. I do meditation, daily walks and mindfulness too…but yesterday, it was so bad, I couldn’t do any of that. I went around my thought in circles unable to pull myself out. Thankfully, today is a much better day and I’m back at the helm, so a lot better than yesterday. Thanks for all your suggestions and for listening to my rants …. blogging helps me to stay connected and that hugely helps when I’m feeling low. Thanks for being there 🙂
I talk. Vent it out and let it go. Sometimes it hard but it’s possible and better than welling up from within. Insomnia again?
Yes, Parul, talking helps. Like when I wrote about it all in my post after so much hesitation, I felt lighter. Not insomnia, but poor sleep, I guess. Feeling much better today 🙂
My go-to escape routes: sleep, write, chat online… basically anything to keep me from focusing on that again.
Hmm…interesting Roshan! I try doing some of those…at times, they work, at times, they don’t.
Yes, I have had those days when my heart beats faster and I’m in continued distress. I try to talk to my husband or Mom. I try to sleep, or dance or listen to some music in high volume. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
I hope you feel better soon.
Thanks Shalini. Good to know those things help you de-stress! I think its important to talk as well because pent up emotions can be terrible especially when stressed. Will try some of your tips next time!