Twenty Years Ago | #WordsMatter 4

If by chance, I had a time machine that could take me back in time, I’d dream of treading on that stone-clad, mouldy old mountain path again, where I’d come across a young woman with big dreams in her eyes—a girl with large strides, who loved nature, and as always, would have been looking out for some peace and calm in a disturbingly noisy world that surrounded her. She’d tell me how she wanted to travel the world, climb the highest mountain peaks, establish herself as an artist and to give in to her bohemian whims and fancies!
Twenty years ago, I was that woman!

And then, as life happens, her dreams led her elsewhere. The juncture where reality meets with our dreams is quite an unpredictable one! As the years passed by, new experiences brought new realisations and thoughts; some rude shocks, some blows and some beautiful friendships happened along the way. It was also the time that she started to unravel the layers that made her who she was. As the layers fell, and she came to embrace her true self, she realised how the reactions of those around her began to change. And, somewhere along the way, those enticing goalposts kept shifting, as she moved on. That was the time when disillusionments struck, heartbreaks happened, friendships she banked on, gave way to a bitter reality. One cannot pin down the exact moment, but, that was when this young, sensitive, hopeful self began to metamorphose into a stoic, pragmatic and resilient being.

Of the many uncertainties, one thing was certain—She was on the path to discovering a new meaning and new purpose of living from this vast fabric of life itself.

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Now when I look back, my journey to self-discovery, self-love and acceptance was probably in its nascent stage twenty years ago. The path I was on, was not an easy one, and I was constantly plagued with self-doubts, but it was inevitable that I would set out on the path then, that would lead me to be the person I am now.

And, for that, I am thankful—to every rock that made me stumble, to every setback and every heartbreak that made me stop, pause and reflect on the choices that I eventually took to let go, and move on, and to accept life as it comes.

Twenty years ago, I would definitely not have seen myself where I am today but I guess that’s the beauty of life. I cannot see what lies twenty years ahead from where I am today but I can feel a deep sense of gratitude that has made me realise two things:

I have enough.

I am enough.

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I received this tag from Shubhra Rastogi @natkhatz.com. It’s my pleasure to pass on this tag to Shilpa Halwe @fictionandi. There are 29 of us on this Blog Hop and it will be spread over 3 days—1st, 2nd and 3rd November 2019. Do follow the #WordsMatter Blog Hop during these days and prepare to be surprised! 

28 thoughts

  1. This is a beautiful post, Esha and I loved your writing. Time peels layers of us and we show up as different people everytime. Some times it appears that we have changed but what happens is that we just get to know something that we have never known before.

    1. Thank you, Parul. I guess it is this element of self-discovery that reveals ourself slowly over time. The process of peeling of those layers, well…that’s how we get to know our journey of evolution into who we’ve finally become, isn’t it? So glad to see you stop by here. I’m still taking my time to catch up with the posts, like you! 🙂

  2. But then again am I enough for them that follows? Am I enough for them that follows after them? If you stop by my blog you’ll see my great-granddaughter. She’s such a cutie-pie and I truly hope I am enough for her, and that I shall be around enough for her, and I’d love to play with her, and walk her stroller to the park, and play with her. I want to play ball with her, and push her in the swing, and not many great grandmothers can say that, but I can. I thank the Lord every day that I can say that. Have a great day!

    1. That is so true, Marie! I can see what an adorable granddaughter you have and it must be one of the most beautiful experiences of life to be around for those that look up to you and need you in their lives in such a special way. I will stop by your blog to see her lovely pics, Marie. I do sincerely wish that you are in her life as much as you wish to be, and for as long as you wish to be there and may you both have the loveliest of times together to create those wonderful memories for her to treasure in the years to come.
      Much love and hugs, my dear friend! And thank you so much for sharing these beautiful heartfelt thoughts. Have a lovely week ahead. <3

    1. Just what I feel, Sunita, at the stage where I’m in. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. I hope you’ll excuse my delay in responding to this.

  3. I think you have accomplished most of the dreams that you had 20 years back, especially on the traveling and artistic fronts. Life is the biggest teacher and the only thing that we should keep doing is keep learning. love and hugs Di.

    1. I don’t look back to see how much i have accomplished because I know I haven’t accomplished as much as the person next to me and yet, I have no qualms in accepting that this is a truce with fate and I’m in no competition with anybody anymore. Expect nothing, lose nothing!
      So glad to see your comments here on the blog. Getting back from a blogging break since Baba’s passing hence the delay in responding. Take care. Love <3

    1. Absolutely, Keerthi! I totally agree. The hiccups and the hurdles prod us on to move ahead. Acceptance is key to finding calm and happiness. So glad to see you stop by and share your thoughts, here, Keerthi! PLease excuse my delay in responding so late as I get back to blogging after a break, since Dad’s passing!

  4. As always, this is a beautiful post, Esha. Your writing is like a smoothly flowing river surrounded with gentle breeze and chattering beautiful birds flying around. I always get that ‘I can be here forever’ feeling as I read your words. Thank you for that. <3
    The transformation that happened in the past 20 years was not something which was foreseeable, was it? All the experiences, good and bad, took us from our then dreams and realities into different dreams and realities. I believe that we are becoming a better version of ourselves, more resilient and less insecure perhaps, as days go by. I am enough – may we never forget that.

    1. Your wonderful comment made my day, dear Vinitha! Thank you so much!!! So glad to know that my thoughts resonated with you and that all our experiences only help us to become better, stronger and more resilient! I could not agree more with you on this. Nothing new one may say, but sometimes these little reminders are what keeps us going, don’t you think?

    1. I know, right? I think we get wise only after going through those hardships. No matter what we tell our kids, they’ll realise this only through their individual experiences, and their own journeys! It’s all a matter of time! Thanks for stopping by the blog and sharing your thoughts here. My apologies for the delay as I’m only getting back now after a blogging break, since Dad’s passing 3 weeks back.

  5. You write beautifully Esha. It’s true indeed that we need to be grateful for each roadblock that we faced for it made us wiser and stronger.

    1. Thank you so much, Tulika! It is strange no, that what seemed to break us at one point in time also helps to shape us , when we look back on it later? Gratitude to those difficult people and difficult times!!! Where would we be without them?
      So glad to see you stop by, and leave a comment here. Pardon my delay in responding so late! Just getting back to blogging after a break since Dad’s passing.

  6. I have enough, I am enough.
    Just what I was saying to myself this evening as I rued how life was going.
    Such beautiful way of expressing your feelings, Esha!

    Hugs, dearest girl!

    1. Yes, we’ve often had this conversation, right, Shilpa? It has taken me a long time to come to this truth, though and the road to this acceptance has been riddled with plenty of heartaches and stumbling blocks. And, the journey still continues…and so do the challenges.

      Much love and hugs for you, my friend!

  7. I truly believe in the power of ‘I have enough. I am enough’. Learning to love and accepting ourselves for who we are, for what we have and what we know is the key which helps us to grow both mentally and spiritually. And the peace of mind and happiness that comes with it… priceless!

    1. Absolutely, Shilpa! Loving and accepting oneself is very difficult but it is a journey that only WE have to make and one that only WE have to go through to arrive at such wisdom. The end result is truly priceless! So glad to see you stop by here, Shilpa.

  8. This edition of #wordsmatter has made my soul so much more at peace. When we meet people, they all seem so well sorted and happy. I guess every person has a story of metamorphosis to tell!

    1. I’m yet to start reading the posts, Jyothi as I’ve just come back from a blogging break since my Dad’s passing a few weeks back. I too feel everyone has a story and a journey inside them that is all worth sharing and until we know what they’ve been through, we can never quite tell who they really are.

    1. Thank you so much, Corinne! Life teaches us to appreciate these very experiences and remind us that we are already enough! So glad to see you’ve been the first to leave a comment here. Back to blogging since I took a break after Dad’s passing but I’m going a little easy on myself as I return every comment and read every post from the bloghop. Hope you will excuse the delay!

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