Sitting On a Broken Branch | #mondaymusings

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Some days are tough. And some days are tougher than tough. Today is one such day. Struggled with Yoga this morning. Couldn’t focus on my writing. Gave up on my morning tea to cheer me up. Almost gave up on my ability to lift myself out of negativity. I say ‘almost’ because my instincts kicked in and goaded me to talk about it. Share it here with you all in the hope that I feel less bottled up inside.

Had I a choice, I’d go on top of a hill and cry my heart out. Maybe, yell, scream and rant about things…and tell you why today I can’t be calm, as I always do.

My angst inside is killing me. And yet, I know I must go on. Do my duty. Get up, get dressed and show up for work, because I cannot run away from my responsibilities. I know I never will. Today is a difficult day for me but I must go on because beyond this ‘tougher-than-tough’ day, I believe there lies hope. Something will make me hopeful. tomorrow, I know. Things dear to me… things that I gave my life to… will not just crumble and break away before me just like that. I HAVE to be hopeful. And, I must go on.

Everybody says I’m strong. In fact, I grew up hearing this from everyone ever since I was a child. I had no choice but to be strong because that was the only thing that has kept me going all my life. It has given me the means to stand up and fight my destiny and never give up when the battles raged.

But, when you do that for years on end, something happens…you realise your cracks are now beginning to weaken, and you’re at the verge of disintegrating. It’s scary! Fresh blows are tough to endure!!

On days, like today, I just wish to be a little less than what I’m meant to be! Today, I just wish to be me— yes, me—broken, brittle, hurt, damaged, lost, failed and hopeless.

Tomorrow will be another day!

Do you have days like mine is, today? How do you cope with them? How does one go on when nothing seems to work?

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Linking up with Corinne of EverydayGyaan for #MondayMusings

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15 thoughts

  1. I say this too shall pass Esha. We all have our broken, battered days and the only thing that redeems is out of this feeling is our faith that tomorrow will be another new day.
    This too shall pass believe you me and the rays of positivity will wash your soul and being in no time. Keep the faith and that strength held high!
    We all are chipped and broken but nothing that can’t be mend.
    Sending you loads of happy, positive, uplifting vibes and unbridled love. 💕❤️✨✨✨

    1. Thanks for the wonderful words of courage and reassurance, Natasha. Yes, doing what you say and the best that I can, dear! Keeping the faith is the challenge but will do. Love and hugs right back to you too! Your reaching out to me makes me feel so much better today! Really appreciate This, Natasha. <3 <3 <3

  2. We all have bad days, Esha. Yes, years also add to the misery but I guess we all have some positive spark which somehow emerges from somewhere and inspires us the next morning.

    1. Yes, I totally get your point, Arvind. The trouble is that some days what seems easy in theory seems too tough to practice even though we know it to be the right thing to do. But, glad that no two days are the same. What comes down also goes up. I will be back to my element soon. Thanks for the reassuring words, once again. Really appreciate it.

  3. Oh, we all do have these days, dear Esha! I can so feel your pain and your desperation for the phase to come to an end. Hugs, tight hugs to you, Esha.
    You know what I did last month when I found myself in a similar situation? I just brought the moment into focus. I desisted from thinking about the next moment. What would I do tomorrow? was a question I stopped asking myself and answering it for myself, too. I would focus only and only on the moment I was in, because that moment is life! What lay in the next moment was beyond my control. And, this habit of the past month has so strongly gotten into my system, that that’s how I am, to this day. And, you know, it feels so good! Less of stress.
    We know not what the next moment holds, what it may bring. For that matter, we know not if we will even be alive the next moment!
    So, do try it out, if you aren’t already. Just focus on the moment. And, as stoic as it may feel, just keep going, function as if you are a robot. That’s what I did. I allowed myself to get carried along on auto-pilot, if that makes any sense. And, yes, remember, this too shall pass. NOTHING IS PERMANENT. Some things take time, but they do come to an end.

    And, pick up the phone and call if and when you feel like talking.
    Hugs!

    1. I’m going with all the advice I’m getting from my friends and near ones today and what you say makes so much sense to me. I’m still grappling with getting on to be dutiful and turning up for my everyday tasks even though it feels very very challenging. But, I’ve been through worse and as you say, this too shall pass. Will call you one of these days, sweetheart! Really appreciate your kind words and the invaluable advice. Means so much to me. Hugs and positive vibes to you as well, especially after what you’ve just been through. <3

    1. I know, and thank god for that! Small mercies that helps us ride through difficult times! Feeling purged off all the pain eases the pain, so I know I will follow what you say. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. It means a lot to me right now.

    1. Oh, yes, I hear what you say, Cathy. Yes, have been connecting to positive people and trying to work it out in my head first as to how best I can sail through these dark times. Some days are simply tougher than the rest. But, thankfully, nothing lasts forever. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Your gesture does mean a lot to me. Thanks, again.

  4. I hate it when people comment on how strong someone is…it makes you feel like you are not allowed to break. I have days like yours and I’ve reached a stage where I think it’s okay to have them as long as it’s not constant. It’s okay to break, to not cope, to feel all the feelings and to just want to run away from the world. Big hugs to you!

  5. Thank you for sharing, Esha. I feel what you say. These last few months, I’ve just been going through the motions at many levels. And sometimes being labeled ‘strong’ is the worst thing that can happen to us. Everyone thinks we have no business to feel down! I’m learning to be okay with my not being okay! To speak of my despondency and to focus on the day in segments. Morning done, I get through the afternoon, then focus on getting through the evening…….
    Just know that I’m a phone call away. ♥

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